My mother was the youngest of five children, a big spread out family as they often were in those days.  There were two boys followed by three girls.  I only have a very hazy memory of meeting the oldest when I was about seven, a short time before he died.  The next son down had died early too so I never met him but evidently he was funny and very musically talented.   I think this ability has come down to one of my sons, a successful musician writing and producing for county artists in Nashville. 

When my mother was only twelve her mother just suddenly died!  My Mom was left with her father and her older sister who I think would have been about fifteen at the time.  Suddenly they were responsible for running the family home, cooking and looking after things for themselves and their father. They were completely ill prepared for this. Their father was old school and didn't want his daughters to go out to work however the older girl got a job a few years later leaving my mother to do the meals and cope as best as she could until she was older when she rebelled and went out to work. 

Having never been taught to cook she would try and make nice meals but her father would wonder why it wasn't very good and would complain about her wasting good food. Although he was evidently a very kind man he didn't seem to understand that she was doing her best and didn't know what she was doing wrong. This made her lack confidence in cooking for the rest of her life although I always enjoyed the food at home.

Fast forward many years and I am around ten or twelve years old. Looking back I think my mother always had the feeling in the back of her mind that she too would die young. She was determined that if she did I would never be left in the same situation as she was and so she made a point of doing two things that I think have had a great influence on my life and also my creativity.

1. She would take time to show me everything she thought I needed to know, passing on her skills in cooking and sewing in particular. She was a very talented woman and could sew beautifully and I was fortunate to always have very nice clothes to wear.  When she was sewing she would often tell me to come over while she showed me how to put in a pocket, place a zip or some other sewing skill and I remember thinking that it was so boring to have to stand and watch but to this day I have no problem putting in a pocket and doing other sewing tasks.  When I do make the occasional dress, sew curtains or make covers for outdoor chair squabs, something I did recently, I remember and am grateful to her for all those all lessons.  But, this wasn't the biggest gift she gave me!

2. I think the biggest gift was her encouragement to me to try anything and not to worry the least if I failed. Never worry if you ruin or spoil any materials, she would say, as you will learn by your mistakes and do it better the next time. If you are not trying and sometimes failing you are not learning. Having permission to try and fail, and try again, is fantastic advice.

If you have children give them this gift too.  You are doing them no favour if you do everything for them. Teach your sons and daughters early how to use the washing machine, to cook and take care of themselves and to risk trying things even if they have no idea of how to go about it. Provide materials for any project they are interested in and make sure they know that nothing is wasted and to fail is part of learning.  

In all my years of teaching art this is what I see holds students back the most.

FEAR OF FAILURE and WAITING FOR PERMISSION. 

Seeing this lack of confidence is what gives me a real passion to teach.

I want to encourage artists to enthusiastically EXPERIMENT, TO PLAY, TO GO AHEAD AND TRY THINGS EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT SURE IF IT WILL WORK AND TO REALISE THEY DON'T HAVE TO ASK FOR PERMISSION, THEY ALREADY HAVE IT.

This is what I try to give the students in my online course and any of the courses I teach to students in my home home studio or Art Club Workshops.

As a follow up, my mother did die young, she was only 63 and I was about 33 when she passed.